Well, I know it's only been like, an hour since I last posted, and yes, I realize it's one 'o clock, but I really want to write some more. Not sure about what yet, and I may be somewhat strange at this hour, but bear with me.

I often wonder why sadness is an inspiring topic for me(see last post). I mean, it's not like I'm sad all the time, and thus strikes a chord in me. I would be better off writing about something like fear then, because fear is something I deal with a lot. Maybe I will, later on in this post. No promises. I guess maybe I'm trying to explore something I personally have not had a whole lot of experience with. My life has been pretty happy :). Wow, my grandparents just arrived and it is now two 'o clock, so if I am somewhat shaky in my logic, well, that's why. But, I want to finish this post anyways...You know, all the time I hear things about people who are going through things I can only imagine the horror of, and I think, why is my life so easy? I mean, I have friends everywhere I go, I have a good relationship with my family, my health is good, and I am moderately intelligent and good-looking :). Ok, I'm just guessing with those last two. I can't help but think that there will be some big fallout somewhere along the line, something absolutely terrible is going to happen to me. It's definitely not a good feeling, and my reason defies my instinct, telling me that I can't possibly know what will happen in advance. Well, I guess there's not really anything that I can do about it anyways, so I really don't worry about it a whole lot. My personal way of dealing with things is to take it one step at a time, and so far, it seems to work brilliantly. Someone more insightful than I once said, "A journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step," and he or she was absolutely right. If you're in a crisis situation, the first thing to do is to deal with the urgent, then the serious, followed by the medium priority details, and lastly with the minor. I also have the ability not to let things in life affect me at all. I don't really feel depressed a whole lot, actually, I don't ever feel depressed. Maybe I'm lying to myself, but I'm just writing what I feel. I'm satisfied with my life...Ugh, this is all not making sense anymore, soooooo.....I'm just going to finish this off with another of my works of fiction...

"I wish he would stop talking with us." The dark-haired teenager grimaced as he watched a tall figure walk away from the group.

"Yeah, I know. He's so retarded." Tossing his hair back, Andrew gestured angrily at the guy walking away.

"Tom needs to go back to a special school," joined in a third person. The group laughed. Their laughter suddenly died as they noticed that Tom was heading back for the group.

"Gah, he's coming back again," the dark-haired one said.

"He probably has another of his corny jokes for us again," smirked the only girl in the group.

Tom ascended the few steps to where to group was standing.

"Hey guys, I forgot to tell you, I left mustard in my motorcycle helmet the other day." Tom laughed uproariously, while a few in the group chuckled uncomfortably.

"Well, I guess I'll see you all later. Watch out for that mustard!" Tom descended again, still laughing at his own joke.

"See, what did I tell you," the girl said.

"I think we all knew what he was going to do," said a guy with a red shirt.

"Man, I hate that kid," said the dark-haired guy. The rest of the group all nodded or verbalized their agreement.

The group dispersed.

*end of story*

This is sadly not as much a work of fiction as I would like it to be. I see it all too often, and it makes me angry, and afraid at the same time. It makes me angry, because Tom left, none the wiser that the more he talked, the more people disliked him, and nobody seems to want to take the trouble to educate Tom. Tom could be a cool guy, he just doesn't understand the difference between good jokes and bad jokes. Therefore, he gets called "retarded", cast out from ever being a part of "the group". That's harsh, because no one should only have one chance. If you ever encounter someone like Tom, please, tell him what he's doing wrong, because Tom has no idea. If he refuses to correct his behaviour after your talk, then perhaps you have a valid case for not wanting to socialize with him. But talking behind someone's back only serves to hurt and tear apart, not only Tom, but others as well, as I will show now.

It makes me afraid because I do not know if the same thing happens to me. When I leave, do people say, "Man, I hate that kid"? How will I ever know? How can I ever trust someone who participates in those kind of "group bashing sessions"? Maybe, I'm not really funny, but people kind of still half-laugh at my jokes just to make me feel better, and after I'm gone criticize me. It terrifies me, it truly does, and it destroys my trust in people. When I watch people, I can see what their reaction is to what I say, fairly clearly. It's one of my few talents, and though I see mostly good things, with certain people, who pretend to enjoy my company, I can see, almost perfectly, that they're thinking, "this guy is an idiot"(you'll be happy to know I no longer associate with those people). I can't get over what I saw in their eyes. It drains my confidence, and I can't perform without confidence.

Well, I'm done. If this made no sense at all, I'm sorry, it's now 2:40, way past the time regular human beings sleep. Though, this music IS very good. Anyways, I'm out...